Cori Belle

I find that it is very hard to separate from my new role as "Mommy" these days.  Maybe it will get easier as I get used to it, but I have a constant play-by-play in my head.  If she's sleeping, I think, "Is she warm enough?  When did she go down?  I wonder if this is a half-hour nap or the two-hour one?  Is she getting enough sleep?  Maybe I should check and see if she's still breathing?"  If she's fussing, I think, "What's wrong?  Is she hungry?  When did she last eat?  Maybe she's cold.  Does she need a diaper change?  She sounds frustrated - maybe she wants to stand.  Is she bored?  Maybe we need to go outside for a little bit."  If she's happily playing, I think, "Aww, she's so cute.  I wonder if I have time to get dressed/read a chapter/run the dishwasher/practice piano.  I can't believe how big she's getting.  I wonder if she needs some new toys."

I didn't have this stream of consciousness going when I was a teacher.  I went to work, taught, thought about the kids/parents/issues as I drove home, and then let it go.  I could easily shift to being a fully-involved friend, wife, sister, musician or writer without a second thought.  It was even easier when I worked as an administrative assistant.  But now as a mom?  My daughter is always on my mind.

If I go out with my girlfriends, have a date night with my husband, take a nap while he's watching her, or steal away some time on the computer while she sleeps...she is still on my mind. 

It is a most interesting phenomenon, not being able to "shut off" the mothering instinct.